Half a Man in a Yellow Van

Lord have mercy, the douchebags of Prague driving had better shelter their candles if they plan to step up to the mighty blow of Half a Man in the Yellow Van! Irritated beyond measure by the fact that I was riding my bike, this new champion putz terrier swerved out of his lane honking at me on a busy 2 lane road! Yes, he doesn’t just own the lane he’s in, he actually owns the whole road! This one took me completely by surprise, not to mention what it did to the driver in the car behind me, who had to return honk as captain courageous came barreling at him full speed ahead, an expression of intense stupefaction fixed upon his round little face.

To ask “why” is not an option. There is no why. There is only how. How a half a man in a yellow van can go on with life knowing that someone is riding a bike on the treasured streets of his capital city. This is a city for hard men, after all! A place for valor, dignity and bundles of tens of thousands of girly air fresheners hanging tits up from rear view mirrors. He is there in the pajsl between deliveries of whatever dusty ware he peddles, do you see him? Keep your distance: he is powerful and manly. Feel the admiration swell in your breast as you take a seat near his table and listen to his story. A tear welling up in his eye, he tells of how his father, during the “time before”, was mercilessly maimed by a negligent bike riding pig. He chokes back tears and beers, then piles his mass into the sagging cockpit of his Yellow Van and goes back to his thankless business. This, my friend, is what keeps Prague running, through the soot and steam and low-hanging clouds. This sort of dedication makes it possible for electronics shops to sell Chinese webcams at twice the price (during the convenient hours of 8 am to 4 pm), a luxury unheard of in Those Dark Times ®. Rejoice, for the Douche is at hand, silent companion of half a man in a yellow van.



~ by themicah on September 16, 2009.

One Response to “Half a Man in a Yellow Van”

  1. […] wheel all the way through Vinohrady, despite the fact that I gave him ample space to pass. Was it Half a Man in a Yellow Van? Could I get lucky twice in a one-week period? Anticipating some discussion, I took the time to […]

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