Revvin’ Retard

So here’s the scene: it’s maybe 9:30 pm in a light traffic area on the edge of the historic old town. I’m cruising back from Letna park with the fancy new rechargeable Smart light my wife made me buy blinking away on the handlebars. The speed limit is 30, and the surrounding area is packed with peds wandering drunk on Mastercard from the depths of the Paladium shopping center. Behind me, I hear the sound of a racing engine.

I’m not going anywhere, and I’m already riding over the speed limit, so I slow down to signal my intent to the “driver” behind me. “Hey, douchebag! My intention is that you can fuck off or I’ll blow a Bohemian snot rocket onto the windshield of your awful Audi status-mobile!”

Predictably, he revs the engine, riding up to within an inch of my rear tire so I can be sure to hear how much fuel he’s happy to waste on me. This is a tough one. Audi owners are known to be the most aggressive douches on the Czech roads, but their cars (let’s call them “units”, just for the hell of it) are so precious to them that they can’t bear the thought of a bug hitting the windshield. Indeed, the poor douchebag’s BMW is an Audi. Sensitive to the care he must afford his unit, I slow down, so as not to stress his suspension unnecessarily, and blow him a snotty little love note.

Wow, was that the wrong move! How could I have known! Honking now, as well as revving, I slow the champ down to about 5 km/h, at which point he parks and jumps out of the car at me! Of course, I accelerate out of reach of his fatty little fingers (a whole 50 meters or so), look back and blow him a kiss. Torn between his primal “smash” urge and the knowledge that he’s left his unit activated and exposed in the middle of a street, he jumps back in the car and repeats the process. I’m laughing so hard I can barely keep my balance.

Hope your wife wasn’t giving birth and I made you late, Honza!

aug4

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~ by themicah on August 18, 2009.

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